Communication as a source to Intimacy

Do you remember when you first met? Did you used have long conversations over the phone or in bed? Are you still doing that or did you loose it somewhere along the line…?

Intimacy consists of several cornerstones and verbal communication is one of them. This type of intimacy often gets lost in the daily communication, taking care of our chores. Instead we often end up “exchanging words”, not really connecting to each other on a level we are actually longing for.

Intimacy consists of several cornerstones and
verbal communication is one of them.

I got this tool years ago from a dear friend. Back then; I tried it once or twice in a mediocre attempt to change my relationship. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Later when I found the willingness and commitment to really do the work I started doing this exercise each day with my partner. And we still do. The results are great.

It can feel strange to do this exercise in the beginning but the rewards are plenty. You will notice that you get closer to each other as time passes. You will not understand how it happened but never mind that. You are practicing intimacy and emotional honesty towards each other. It really works.

Here is how you do it:

  • Look into each other’s eyes.
  • Do not think or plan your answers or defences. Just listen to what your partner says.
  • One of you starts by answering all questions below. Then you switch.
  • Do not interrupt or comment on your partners sharing.
  • Try to not give any answers, and only receive and affirm that your partner’s emotions are heard.
  • Avoid analysing yourself or your partner after you have done the exercise. That often leads to fights rather than long lasting connection.

The best thing that happened to me today is…

The worst thing that happened to me today is…

What I like and appreciate about you is…

Right now I am feeling…

What I need from you is…

My wishes, hopes and dreams are…

The purpose of this exercise is to deepen your intimacy together. Many relationships die because we do not take time to listen to what our partner really says. What the partner says does not always need to be solved or answered. We often try to figure out an answer while the other one is talking and then we are not listening. It usually feels safer to not discuss the content of the sharing afterwards. This deepens the relationship itself. The only thing required to do this exercise is willingness.

Do the exercise as often as you want. We still do i several times a week.

Good luck